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WE’VE ALL FELT IT. You don’t
know what to say or what to do. You feel too aware of yourself
and how you’re standing, how you’re looking, what you
sound like. If you have teenagers, you know they feel it intensely.
And some of the things teens do that seem so incomprehensible
to parents stem from a simple desire to avoid feeling socially
awkward.
Although it’s very natural to feel
awkward around people you don’t know very well, it isn’t
pleasant or productive. Here are two practical things anyone
can do to feel more socially comfortable:
| Relax your muscles. This makes you calmer. Most people don’t have
any problem at all being social around people when they’re
relaxed. That’s why social gatherings have traditionally
served alcoholic beverages: It relaxes people. Find a muscle
in your body that feels a little tense and consciously relax
that muscle. You will instantly feel more at ease. |
| Make it your mission to
help the other person feel more comfortable. Make conversation easy for the other person
by asking questions she’ll enjoy answering. Find out the
person’s name, whether she’s from this area, or if
she’s not, where she’s from. Her answers will probably
stimulate other questions and conversation. How about her family:
Do they live in this area? Big family? Brothers and sisters?
What do they do? How about work? What does she do for a living?
Does she like it? What got her into it? How about travel? What
parts of the world has she seen? Any hobbies? Listen with interest.
Let her know you like what she’s saying. Help her
feel comfortable. |
That is basically six areas to talk about:
name, home, family, work, travel, hobbies. Memorize that list
of six topics, and when the time comes, the questions will come
to mind easily, keeping the conversation lively and smooth. A
smooth and lively conversation will put the other person at ease
which will make you feel more comfortable.
You’ll probably never get to all six
of the topics because as the other person starts talking, you’ll
find points of interest you’ll want to know more about,
and the two of you will start talking about that, and off you’ll
go into Conversation Land.
You’ll get to know the person and
have a wonderful time and you’ll just forget to feel awkward
because you can only feel awkward when you’re self-conscious.
As you become increasingly conscious of the other person, you
become less conscious of yourself and your awkwardness disappears.
Relieve your social awkwardness by relaxing
and concerning yourself with helping the other person
feel comfortable. People will love you for it.
Relax your muscles and make
it your mission
to help the other person feel more comfortable.
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