PUT YOUR ATTENTION on the person. That's
it. That's the whole technique. It doesn't take any skill at
all. It only takes the will.
It's like a meditation, and it is the most
important people-skill you can develop.
Put your interest in others. Be curious
about them, interested in them. Not faking it. But have a goal
of genuinely learning about this person. What makes them tick?
How do they feel about things? What do they do? Hobbies? Interests?
What do they think about world events? How do they feel about
something (anything you are curious about)?
And even beyond the conversational things,
simply keeping your attention on people makes them feel good,
makes them feel important, and has a connecting effect.
And it makes you stand out. You
become interesting, so this simple first-stage people-skill is
the beginning of relating to others. It's fundamental. It comes
We are all somewhat self-centered. Those
who are good at dealing with people have learned to take their
attention off what it naturally sticks on (their own goals and
problems) and put it out on the other. It is a great gift for
the person you're talking with. And it is like a meditation for
Even when you're doing this, your mind
will naturally wander back to you it will wander to how
can you impress this person, how can you jump in and show you
know something, how you can share what you feel about it, and
how you can bring up something you want to talk about.
Your mind wanders back to you. And when
you notice this, you gently bring your attention back to the
other person. Again and again, like a meditation.
Eventually, you will be able keep your
attention on the other relatively easily, and when you can do
this, you will have gained the first skill in dealing with people
Put your attention on the person.