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This is one of "22
virus definitions" (thought-mistakes that cause ineffectiveness
and unnecessary negative emotions).
 Almost
all the thought-mistakes on the
list of virus definitions are some form of self-defeating
conclusions. But this is a good one to look for on its own. For
example, Jim’s boss is usually friendly, but today his boss
seems unhappy. Jim immediately jumps to a negative conclusion:
"I must have done something wrong. He seems mad at me."
Jim’s boss is actually worried about
his son. The look on the boss's face has nothing to do with Jim.
So Jim is feeling bad unnecessarily because of his thought-mistake.
And his bad feelings might interfere with his work. It certainly
doesn't help him feel better or get more done. And to whatever
degree it makes him feel worse or get less done, Jim’s conclusion
is self-defeating.
Whether one of your conclusions is self-defeating
or not is an entirely separate issue from whether your conclusion
is true or not.
Some conclusions are verifiable. I have
red hair. That’s a fact. You can verify it. But sometimes
you don’t really know if a statement is true or false. For
some statements, the question of true or false doesn’t even
apply (for example, an overblown generalization such as, “society
is evil” can’t be rationally argued one way or the
other without being ridiculous). But if a negative thought is
impairing your ability, it is counterproductive to keep thinking
it, whether its truth or falsity can ever be determined.
For example, let’s say you’re
lying in bed obsessing over the thought, “I’m an insomniac
and will never again get a good night’s sleep.” The
conclusion itself can keep you awake, so it is self-defeating
to think it, whether it’s true or false. It's a self-fulfilling
prophesy.
Many pessimistic thoughts are like that:
They are self-fulfilling and therefore not useful thoughts. They
aren’t true or false. But they make themselves true by thinking
them.
A woman wrote to me and said her grandmother
always used to say, “Hell is right here on earth.”
That is an example of a demoralizing explanation of setbacks.
But is the explanation accurate? Is it true? You can’t really
say.
So the question then becomes: Is the thought
useful? Clearly that grandmother’s conclusion about life,
the assumption she made that "hell is right here on earth,"
produces a feeling of sadness, demoralization, hopelessness,
and it would not help her overcome the challenges in her life.
Not only that, but those feelings are unhealthy. And in fact,
the grandmother was constantly grumpy and depressed.
With many of your conclusions, you can
destroy them by simply realizing they are untrue. But if you
can’t determine the truth of a negative conclusion, then
look to see whether it is self-defeating. If you don’t know
if it's true, but you know it is self-defeating, then your belief
in it will diminish as soon as you realize that fact.
This article is part of the series, Antivirus For Your Mind. |
