IT IS IMPORTANT that people like you. It
helps make your day go more smoothly. It helps you keep your
job. It makes things nicer and more pleasant. But some things
become less likely the more you want them. Like trying to go
to sleep. If you have to get up early and need to go to sleep
right away, the more you want it, the less likely you'll get
But you can take actions that make
it more likely. For example, if you want to sleep you can take
a warm bath. But you have to let go of your direct concern for
the outcome you want: sleep. And any old action won't work. Counting
sheep will, but thinking about your troubles won't.
This article is not about sleep. It's about
your desire to be liked. You must redirect your purpose. Just
like when you're trying to sleep, you can't focus directly on
your purpose on getting people to like you because
that focus will make it harder for people to like you. Focus
on something else. Focus on good manners, strong integrity, and
making them feel liked.
Don't try to be liked. Don't try not
to be liked either. Try to do right. Try to be a decent, honorable,
honest person. People will like you and admire you. And they'll
really like that you aren't putting any subtle pressure on them
to like you by really wanting them to.
This rule will relax you. Of course you
want the boss to like you. You want your workmates to like you.
You want your kids to like you. And so, if you are naturally
somewhat anxious, you have some level of stress to make sure
people like you. Stop worrying about it. Give up on the wish.
Stop wishing it. Concern yourself with doing right. Remember
the big three: Focus on good manners, strong integrity, and making
them feel liked.
People deserve a thank you when they do
something for you, so thank them for them, not so they'll
like you. It is only right that when the boss asks you to do
something that you do it willingly. Even cheerfully. That's what
they're paying you to do. It is dishonorable to do otherwise.
Do it for the sake of honor, not to make the boss like
you. Just be a decent human being.
Liking will follow.